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joey'd is da man
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A man walks into a bar, with a flamingo under one arm and a cat under the other,
he asks the barman for a pint for himself and one for the cat, and one for the flamingo.
after they finish their drinks, the flamingo buys the next round, then when it is the cats turn, it refuses to buy the drinks so the man buys them, this happens every time it is the cats round, it simply refuses to pay.
after a while the barman says to the man
"so, what's your story? what's with the cat and the flamingo?"
so the man tells him how he found a magic lamp and was awarded three wishes, he firstly wished that he never had to go to work ever again, then he wished for a tall bird with long legs and a tight pussey!
 

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joey'd is da man
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I know I spelt pussey wrong - that damn swear filter!
 

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joey'd is da man
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
he asked for a tall bird with long legs - the flamingo, not a sexy lady
a tight pussey - the cat that won't pay for anything - not a snug-fitting female sex part!
 

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Innes said:
he asked for a tall bird with long legs - the flamingo, not a sexy lady
a tight pussey - the cat that won't pay for anything - not a snug-fitting female sex part!
you beat me to it!!!
 

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Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped
in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news, he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because you were able
to jump in and save the life of another patient. I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
 

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joey'd is da man
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Nice one fishman :D :laugh:
 

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>PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
>
>On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree
>just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful
>of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the
>nuts.
>
>"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
>Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came
>riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard
>voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure
>enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
>
>He just knew what it was. "Oh my", he shuddered, it's Satan and
>the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery. He jumped back on his bike
>and rode off.
>
>Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
>
>"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard!
>Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
>
>The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
>
>When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.
>Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for
>you, one for me..."
>
>The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's
>see if we can see the Lord himself." Shaking with fear, they peered through
>the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy
>gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried
>
>to get a glimpse of the Lord.
>
>At last they heard, "One for you, one for me." And one last "One
>for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence,
>and we'll be done."
>
>... They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of
>the boy on the bike.
 

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> Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
> mistake.
> The average person can't.
>
> This is this cat
> This is is cat
> This is how cat
> This is to cat
> This is keep cat
> This is a cat
> This is dumbass cat
> This is busy cat
> This is for cat
> This is forty cat
> This is seconds cat
>
> Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

This is how you keep somebody busy for 45 sec.
 

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Judgment day...with humor

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven.

Others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.

"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

"Ah, those . . ." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Oregon, They're too wet to burn."
 

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joey'd is da man
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Hitler in line for the pearly gates, and today saint peter is having his day off, so Jesus is taking his place at the gates.
Hitler gets to the front and askes if he can enter, Jusus lookes at him and says no.
Hitler says "don't you know who I am?"
to this jesus replys "well, yes, thats why you cant enter"
so Hitler says "I'll be really nice from now on, PLEASE!)
Jesus says "I'll have to check with dad, you see I don't know all the rules, I'm new"
so Jesus goes and askes God, to this request God laughs and says "Hitler?, did you realise he is one of the most evil men ever?, NO, he can't come in, send him to hell"
so Jesus tells Hitler, to this Hitler starts to plead, he says "PLEASE let me in, I cant go to hell, I was only trying to make a super race"
Jesus is having none of it, so Hitler adds "I'll give you an iron cross"
Jesus, waits and thinks, and says "hold on a minuite, if anyone can get around God it's me"
so Jesus goes back to God and says "please let him in, if you do he will give me an iron cross"
God laughs and says "what do you want an iron cross for? - you couldn't even hold a wooden one!"
 

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"marco Posted on Feb. 05 2003,11:57
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
are you calling me a bumbass fishman2? "

How did I know you would be the one to ask that LOL

Toilet Paper

One day Tom walks up to his wife Judy and tells her
that he thinks she should have bigger breasts. She looks
at him and says, "How do you propose I do that?" He
looks at her and tells her to take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between her breasts. She looks at
him and says, "What good will that do?" He says," I
don't know but it sure worked on your a$$!!"
 
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