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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
O. K . There this kid that lives on a farm. He was walking home from

school through his pasture. He kicked a cow then he kicked a pig. His

mother was watching him through the kitchen window. As soon as he got

inside his mother told him for kicking that cow you get no milk for a week

and for kicking the pig you get no bacon for a week. At that moment dad

walks in and boots the cat half way across the room. Kid looks up to mom

and says do you wanna tell him are should I.

 

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G'Dam Mudda Fokka
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Ha! Ha! Funny!!!
Took me a minute ... had to put 2 and 2 together. ... Funny Stuff..!!

Okay, there's this tall lady and a midget. They meet at a bar and hit it off really good, so they go back to the tall lady's apartment, and get it on. Well, she's having multiple orgasms. She finds time to breathe, and says "this is the best sex I've ever had in my entire life!!!! this is the biggest thing i've ever felt in me!" the midget replies with "you think that's big, wait until I get BOTH my legs in there!!!!" :laugh:
:laugh:
 

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Beautiful One
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ha nice, I can't tell jokes well.. but I like to hear them
 

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...just back for a bit to catch up...
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a blonde walks into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned.
she asks the clerk, "how much?"

the clerk doesn't hear her correctly and says "Come again?"

the blonde giggles and says "no...it's just mustard this time"
 

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...just back for a bit to catch up...
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An Englishman (AKA innes), a dutchman (AKA juda), and an American Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the head.

The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Dutchman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing happened.

The American Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!"
 

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"The Dancing Banana Man"
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USMC*sPiKeY* said:
a blonde walks into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned.
she asks the clerk, "how much?"

the clerk doesn't hear her correctly and says "Come again?"

the blonde giggles and says "no...it's just mustard this time"
 

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USMC*sPiKeY* said:
An Englishman (AKA innes), a dutchman (AKA juda), and an American Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the head.

The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Dutchman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing happened.

The American Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!"


Actually, the Dutch (and also the Scottish) are viewed as greedy bastards, but who cares? It made me LOL in the office...
 

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.pocketful of sunshine.
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USMC*sPiKeY* said:
a blonde walks into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned.
she asks the clerk, "how much?"

the clerk doesn't hear her correctly and says "Come again?"

the blonde giggles and says "no...it's just mustard this time"
Sounds like something I would say/do for once...
 

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joey'd is da man
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14,077 Posts
Ms_Nattereri said:
USMC*sPiKeY* said:
a blonde walks into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned.
she asks the clerk, "how much?"

the clerk doesn't hear her correctly and says "Come again?"

the blonde giggles and says "no...it's just mustard this time"
Sounds like something I would say/do for once...
Do you often have those kind of stains on your sweaters?

shall we call you Monica?
 

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ATTN: Gargoyle....:

A large group of lingering Taliban soldiers is moving down a road when they hear a voice from behind a sand dune:
"One U.S. Marine is better than 10 Taliban soldiers!"

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle erupts, then silence.
The voice then calls out, "One U.S. Marine is better than 100 Taliban soldiers!"

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and, instantly, a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out once more, "One U.S. Marine is better than 1,000 Taliban soldiers!"

The enraged Taliban Commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle rages. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and, with his dying words, tells his commander, "Don't send any more men! It's a trap-there are two of them!"

ERR!

ATTN: Rest of pfury members....here is your joke:

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman brags, "and this morning she couldn't stop telling me how much she adored me."
"Last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian replies," and today she said she could never love another man."
The American remains silent, and the Frenchman smugly asks, "How many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," says the American.
"Only once?" the Italian snorts arrogantly. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"'Don't stop.'"
 

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...just back for a bit to catch up...
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right "tools" she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

This time, quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice answered, "NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Whats the difference between a W#$%^ and a B!#$^

A W#$%^ Will screw everyone

A B!#$^ will screw everyone but you
 
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