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5 TIME CHAMPS
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A lady bought a new Lexus, and returned the next day,
complaining that the radio didn't work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Watch this!" he said..."Nelson!" The radio replied,
"Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued....and "On The
Road Again" came from the speakers.

She drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time
she'd say, "Beethoven", she'd get beautiful classical music,
and if she said, "Beatles!" she'd get one of theirs.

One day, another driver ran a red light and nearly creamed
her new car, but she swerved in time to avoid him.

"ASSHOLE!" she yelled.....

The French National Anthem began to play.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Breaking News from Paris, France
April 28, 2003
Fireworks Ban In France

France announced today that it plans to ban fireworks at
Euro Disney, following last night's display that caused
soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.

Taking a page from French history, based on the fact that
Napoleon used to wear a blood red vest into battle so that
if wounded, his blood would blend with his vest and not
realizing he was wounded his troops would not lose spirit,
the Modern French Army issued all troops brown pants.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->


Q: Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France?
A: Because she has only one arm raised.
 

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reasonably awesome
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Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: What do the French call a direct hit on Paris by a nuclear device?
A: More proof that inspections are working.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

Q: How many Frenchmen would it take to defend Paris?
A: It's not known, it's never been tried.

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II?
A: Not enough.

Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English?
A: Welcome!

Q. What do you do if you see 90,000,000 dead Frenchmen?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!

Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry?
A: A good days hunting.

Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: Why are the French so afraid of war?
A: You would be too if you never won one in your history.

Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German.

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.

Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman with an IQ of 120?
A: A village.

Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

Q: How do they separate the men from the boys in the French Foreign Legion?
A: Crowbar.

Q: Why does the new French navy have glass-bottomed boats?
A: So they can see the old French navy.

Q: Why do they call it the French Foreign Legion?
A: Because no one from France is willing to fight.

A French rifle is for sale on eBay. It's never been fired; but I heard it's been dropped once.

President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the Iraqi crisis. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. He further explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the madman could result in a bloodbath. The French ambassador, although, did not understand. It seems there is no word for "bath" in French.

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

During one of the many wars between the British and the Spanish, a French admiral was an observer aboard a British man o' war. One morning the lookout sighted the Spanish Armada coming over the horizon and sounded out the alarm. The British admiral sent for his yeoman and instructed him to fetch his scarlet red vest. The French admiral who was standing nearby asked, "Admiral, what is this scarlet vest for?" The British admiral replied, "If I am wounded in the upcoming battle, the vest will hide my blood so that the crew will not know that I have been wounded and will continue to fight." The French admiral thought about this a moment and called to his yeoman, "Hurry and fetch my brown trousers!"
 

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5 TIME CHAMPS
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
nice one p45
 

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G'Dam Mudda Fokka
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REALLY long... but good...
 

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.pocketful of sunshine.
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Man both of your guys' were totally awesome. However, keep in mind we have a French member here [memen] though I dont know if he visits here frequently.
 

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.pocketful of sunshine.
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LOL!!
 

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I see this stupids joks about my country, but i think you dont say that we eats frogs legs and scales...

in france, we say the same things about your country, because you can have guns, and this thing become more dangerous ( remind colombine ?) an i have see a movie reporter about your country, and i thinks its a country in sheet, because, your country pollued the world in max, and want to stell petrol of irak, its that the real raison of the war, and your president is a mad man i think, there is no nuclear in Irak, its just a reason to stell petrol and show you are the best in the world,
so you are bigs and bad,
that is the things of most french peole say about americans in france but i think it is not all true.
because some of americains are peacefull and love piranhas, but warning about your joks, its not the french people fauklt if Chirac don't help Us for the war, i think your father or grandfather help french in the time, and give their life for french, so i understand your reaction about french
good bye,
memen
 

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.pocketful of sunshine.
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memen said:
I see this stupids joks about my country, but i think you dont say that we eats frogs legs and scales...

in france, we say the same things about your country, because you can have guns, and this thing become more dangerous ( remind colombine ?) an i have see a movie reporter about your country, and i thinks its a country in sheet, because, your country pollued the world in max, and want to stell petrol of irak, its that the real raison of the war, and your president is a mad man i think, there is no nuclear in Irak, its just a reason to stell petrol and show you are the best in the world,
so you are bigs and bad,
that is the things of most french peole say about americans in france but i think it is not all true.
because some of americains are peacefull and love piranhas, but warning about your joks, its not the french people fauklt if Chirac don't help Us for the war, i think your father or grandfather help french in the time, and give their life for french, so i understand your reaction about french
good bye,
memen
Whoa, boy you need to back up with your statements here. We went to Iraq to liberate its people and to stop the endless, nonesense killing that Saddam was doing to them. You know kind of what we did for you the French in WW2 when Germany invaded France. I mean your own people gave up without putting up a fight to save yourself. Yet, another country was willing to lose their lives to save your country from being over-taken. Now that we're doing kind of the same thing with Iraq, your people look down on us for it. One of the only reasons that the French were against us in going to war with Iraq is because France gets most of its oil from Iraq. Not only that, but it wouldnt be under the wrong assumption to say that France sold biological weapons to Iraq in exchange for oil, due to the fact that France said theyd only be on our side if Saddam used them.

Oh BTW, I dont think a country who just changed from a Super Power to an Ultra power [or something like that] which is two steps above a Super Power, can be considered a country in sh*t. Just a thought...
 

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5 TIME CHAMPS
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ms_Nattereri said:
Whoa, boy you need to back up with your statements here. We went to Iraq to liberate its people and to stop the endless, nonesense killing that Saddam was doing to them. You know kind of what we did for you the French in WW2 when Germany invaded France. I mean your own people gave up without putting up a fight to save yourself. Yet, another country was willing to lose their lives to save your country from being over-taken. Now that we're doing kind of the same thing with Iraq, your people look down on us for it. One of the only reasons that the French were against us in going to war with Iraq is because France gets most of its oil from Iraq. Not only that, but it wouldnt be under the wrong assumption to say that France sold biological weapons to Iraq in exchange for oil, due to the fact that France said theyd only be on our side if Saddam used them.

Oh BTW, I dont think a country who just changed from a Super Power to an Ultra power [or something like that] which is two steps above a Super Power, can be considered a country in sh*t. Just a thought...
yes please...and its just a joke.... lighten up.....
 

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reasonably awesome
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tsk tsk, PACK and NATT need to lighten up


He clearly said that was just an observation of OTHER french ppls' thoughts, not necessarily his own. He even said he didnt think most of it was true. He blamed Chirac for the foreign policy as well. And for this, you guys whip out rebuttals on him. Chill out


As for memen, I say :smile: well said
 

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i am disagree with you ms nattereri, french soldier were eradicated and were powerless in front off the german army, without your help, and england help, ni reign in france, ok and i have juif blood, so we are victims, but the french dont wait te Us force, much were "traitre" and the others in the "resistance".
and piranha 45 read correctly my post, its is not my trought about usa people, but its that the french thinks.
i thinks its ashamed for french to no help you but it is tottally different, its usa who attaks a powerless country.
 

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powerless?
.......yea they've only killed at least 60 of our soldiers. And no were not there for the oil......if we were there for the oil we would've already taken it.
 

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memen said:
i am disagree with you ms nattereri, french soldier were eradicated and were powerless in front off the german army, without your help, and england help, ni reign in france, ok and i have juif blood, so we are victims, but the french dont wait te Us force, much were "traitre" and the others in the "resistance".
and piranha 45 read correctly my post, its is not my trought about usa people, but its that the french thinks.
i thinks its ashamed for french to no help you but it is tottally different, its usa who attaks a powerless country.
memen I am so glad you are on this board. It is great to have a French piranha owner and someone to give another opinion against the french bashing....

Instead of debating here, I would like to give the question over to my friend Colin Powell....when asked about the imperial aspirations of America (and I think this statement applies for what we did for France in WWII) he answered:

Colin Powell said:
"We have gone forth from our shores repeatedly over the last hundred years and we've done this as recently as the last year in Afghanistan and put wonderful young men and women at risk, many of whom have lost their lives, and we have asked for nothing except enough ground to bury them in."
Toughness
 

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piranha 13 said:
powerless?
.......yea they've only killed at least 60 of our soldiers. And no were not there for the oil......if we were there for the oil we would've already taken it.
What do you expect: having yanks take over your country without a fight?!?!? No matter how good or bad a country is, none will surrender his/her without defense (well, maybe one exception......
j/k)

I think you are all jealous because Memen has the sweetest planted piranha tank I have ever seen!
I second that!
Also, imo it takes some guts to show up at an American board to join the community, and also to try to explain that not every Frenchman is accountable for what its leader decides to do and not to do...
 

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5 TIME CHAMPS
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
grosse gurke said:
I think you are all jealous because Memen has the sweetest planted piranha tank I have ever seen!
ay that was secret ....
 

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Judazzz said:
piranha 13 said:
powerless?
.......yea they've only killed at least 60 of our soldiers. And no were not there for the oil......if we were there for the oil we would've already taken it.
What do you expect: having yanks take over your country without a fight?!?!? No matter how good or bad a country is, none will surrender his/her without defense (well, maybe one exception......
j/k)

I think you are all jealous because Memen has the sweetest planted piranha tank I have ever seen!
I second that!
Also, imo it takes some guts to show up at an American board to join the community, and also to try to explain that not every Frenchman is accountable for what its leader decides to do and not to do...
I like to see Judazzz say the word 'yank'...
 
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