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698 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·

A father and his son go into the grocery store when
they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his
father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.

The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That's
for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday
night and 1 for Saturday night."

The son then asks his father, "What's the 6 pack for?"
The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're in
college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday
night, and 2 for Sunday morning."

Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for.
The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're married.
You have one for January, one for February, one for
March, one for....."

698 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Medical Terminology


Artery - The study of fine paintings.

Barium - What you do when CPR fails.

Cesarean Section - A district in Rome.

Colic - A sheep dog.

Coma - A punctuation mark.

Congenital - Friendly.

Dilate - To live long.

Fester - Quicker.

G.I. Series - Baseball games between teams of soldiers.

Grippe - A suitcase.

Hangnail - A coat hook.

Medical Staff - A doctors' cane.

Minor Operation - Coal digging.

Morbid - A higher offer.

Nitrate - Lower than the day rate.

Node - Was aware of.

Organic - Musical

Outpatient - A person who has fainted.

Post-operative - A letter carrier.

Protein - In favor of young people.

Secretion - Hiding anything.

Serology - Study of English Knighthood.

Tablet - A small table.

Tumor - An extra pair.

Urine - Opposite of you're out.

Varicose Veins - Veins which are very close together.

698 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Subject: comments heard from proctologist

Anyone old enough to have had such an opportunity will get a kick out of this....

If you ever have had a colonoscopy you can relate to this. If you haven't, Why not? It is something we should all do.

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

698 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Little Old Lady

A little old lady with blue hair entered the sex aids
shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man,
dd-do y-you sell-l d-dildos h-here ?" The salesman,
somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance
in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes ma'am. We do."

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about
10 inches apart asked "D-do y-you ha-ave an-ny ab-bb-
bout th-this lon-ong?" "Well, yes ma-am, we do. We have
several that size."

Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked,
"A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-
d?" "Well.... yes ma'am, a few of them are about that

"D-do aa-ny of t-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?" "Yes
ma'am, one of them does."

"W-w-ell, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"

698 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Stow Away

A depressed young woman from a Manhattan finishing school
was so desperate that she decided to end her life by
throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down
to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears,
took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot
to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if
you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
good care of you and bring you food every day."

"Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder
and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me

The girl nodded. What did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her
in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches
and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love
until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was
discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I had an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and every night
he came and screwed me."

"He sure did, lady," said the captain. "This is the
Staten Island Ferry."

698 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Jumping for Joy

This 65-year-old woman is naked, jumping up and down
on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into
the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then
says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think
you're doing?"

She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says
I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts
laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your
65 year-old ass?"

"Well," she replied "your name never came up."
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