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All of this stuff is from the funniest show ever "Talking to Americans"

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

The Ten best "Talking to Americans"(All said by americans)

10) In Chicago: "Congratulations Canada on having running water in all five states."

9) In Washington, D.C.: "Congratulations Canada on your first national railroad."

8) In Washington, D.C.: "Congratulations Canada on 268 consecutive days of snow."

7) At Harvard: "Yes, I believe the seal slaughter should be stopped in Saskatchewan."

6) In Chicago: "Congratulations Canada on making Beaver Balls your national dish."

5) At Mount Rushmore: "Congratulations Canada, our Eskimo neighbours to the South, on your new Mount Mulroneyuk."

4) Governor of Arkansas: "Congratulations Canada on preserving your national igloo."

3) In New York: "Yes, I think Jean Chretien-Pinochet should be charged with crimes against humanity."

2) In New York: "Yes, I think it is time to bomb Gilles Duceppe."

1) Texas Governor George W. Bush: I'm glad to have the support of Prime Minister Jean 'Poutine.'

Rick Mercer also made U.S. news in February 2000 when he intercepted Texas Governor George W. Bush on the presidential campaign trail in Michigan and asked the Governor to comment on his endorsement by Canadian Prime Minister "Jean Poutine." Governor Bush responded that he was honored by the endorsement, apparently not recognizing "poutine" as the name of a French-Canadian concoction of french fries, gravy, and cheese curds. (Canada's Prime Minister is Jean Chretien.)
More on the site http://www.canoe.ca/TelevisionShowsT/talki...oamericans.html
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